The Moontower Comedy Festival presents another edition of Tweets of the Week featuring performers scheduled to appear at the 2017 festival. For more information about the festival and to purchase badges, click here. Additionally, single tickets are available for select shows.
Milo (wakes up): Crumpets and jam, I'm TRENDING! (sees why) Buggers and bangers!
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 20, 2017
A man told me there's a bicycle convention in my hotel. That was my 4th guess behind weird facial hair, tattoo, and barber convention.
— Chris Porter (@IamChrisPorter) February 17, 2017
I think the real bright side here is that trump's behavior really makes me feel like I have my shit together.
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) February 18, 2017
Sunday advice: Lash out at a bakery employee, take someone's seat when they go up for communion, read an op-ed to a pet.
— Colin Quinn (@iamcolinquinn) February 19, 2017
I learned all the choreography from #LaLaLand just by walking across the street and hopping a puddle.
— (((Andy Kindler))) (@AndyKindler) February 20, 2017
Milo Yiannoupolis is like if half an idea that Sasha Baron Cohen threw in the trash came to life
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 20, 2017
I just opened an app, saw nothing I liked, closed it, then opened it right back up again. Like a fridge in the 90's.
— Doug Lussenhop (@douggpound) February 19, 2017
If you survive our meal at Jack in the Box we will throw in a soft drink. Limited time only. Jack in the Box. It's risky but worth it.
— eddie pepitone (@eddiepepitone) February 22, 2017
This new term "influencers" basically means people who have very little talent or skill but TONS of people who like their selfies.
— Erica Rhodes (@ericarhodes) February 23, 2017
The phonetic code they use at LAX is very California. "Group A. A as in Avocado. Ok, group B. B as in Buy-some-Avocados."
— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) February 18, 2017
I can't find my phone sometimes. They just discovered seven planets.
— Wendy Liebman (@WendyLiebman) February 23, 2017
Either my neighbor's house is being tented for termites or it's going to a costume party as a circus.
— Dana Gould (@danagould) February 22, 2017
I don't choose my friends based off of their political beliefs. I choose them based off of what they can do for me in the industry.
— Luis J. Gomez (@luisjgomez) February 21, 2017
A new meaning for baby blanket. pic.twitter.com/JsE0bRib19
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) February 19, 2017